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(Not) Keeping Up with Our Parents: The Decline of the Professional Middle Class

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Drawing on more than a hundred interviews with people all across America, (Not) Keeping Up with Our Parents explores how stagnant wages, debt, and escalating costs for tuition, health care, and home ownership are jeopardizing the finances and futures of today's educated middle class. Despite this sobering reality, Nan Mooney offers concrete ideas on how we can arrest this downward spiral.

254 pages, Paperback

First published May 1, 2008

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About the author

Nan Mooney

3 books11 followers
Nan Mooney is the author of three books and numerous articles for publications including the Washington Post, The Daily News, Slate.com, the Utne Reader, Women's eNews and Alternet among others. She currently lives in Seattle with her son Leo and lots of rain.

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Displaying 1 - 26 of 26 reviews
Profile Image for Mark.
124 reviews11 followers
September 4, 2008
Just because the baby boomers got away with it (The Greediest Generation) doesn't mean we will. After all, THEIR parents had it tougher, as did their grandparents and so on. It was a fluke. High wages, pensions, cheap houses, health insurance, social security that pays out for four decades, and dropping costs of food and clothing (relative to inflation).

We should get over the idea that we'll have it better than our parents did. Or rather we should redefine the idea of what "having it better" should actually mean.

There are some sad stories in here, people losing jobs, houses, savings, health, credit scores and so on. People who took jobs that don't pay a lot so that they can feel they are contributing to society. The book does bring up real problems.

But, but but...

You can't have it all. You can't say that you aren't able to save a dime (or pay your student loans), and at the same time say that you are paying 100% out of pocket b/c your therapist is "out of network." Get a new therapist that is IN your network. Same with your acupuncturist. Same with wanting to "live in Manhattan." Please...

You can't say that you deserve to have three kids and a house because you think you deserve three kids and a house. Kids are expensive. So are houses. You may not be able to afford either a house or a kid, let alone three.

We need to get used to the idea that the whole world is trying to market to us 24 hours a day, and start saying no to a lot of things. And we need to redefine what it means to live a good life.

This book explains why the current paradigm is crap, but doesn't say that all of this needs to be rejected and begun anew.
Profile Image for Lori.
294 reviews66 followers
June 20, 2010
So I am not the only one? This book depressed the living daylights out of me. But it also made me feel, somehow, better. For the past decade or so I have often had to fight the feeling that I am a failure as an adult...despite my good grades, my Phi Beta Kappa membership, my fourteen years in a career I felt positive about and my generally responsible personality. Even more than failure, I have felt profound guilt. Guilt for being given every opportunity in life. Guilt for having wanted for nothing. Guilt for having had such an amazing childhood. With all the advantages I have enjoyed...how have I not elevated myself to a position of relative financial security?

Now that I have finished (Not) Keeping Up with Our Parents, I understand that, not only am I in good company, but that it is not "all" my fault after all. Although I need to take charge of my life and own my life choices, I guess I can quit beating myself up for not being a hedge fund manager.

Once upon a time, back when I was a baby in the mid 1960s, you could still enter a profession like teaching, social work, or journalism and make a respectable living. Not wealth, mind you -- just a solid middle class lifestyle. And, you could reasonably expect to finance education or training for your children so that they could maintain their own foothold in the middle class. More amazing, people who worked in manufacturing and skilled trades could also optimistically expect to do the same for their children, with careful money management and common sense. Astoundingly, they could do so on one income.

Those days are as over as the days of horse drawn buggies and hoop skirts.

We are now in the 24/7 work culture. We work longer hours on the job and bring it home with us on our laptops and blackberries. We do not, however, get paid for doing so. In the past decade worker productivity has risen at twice the rate of worker compensation. Wages and salaries make up the lowest percentage of the GDP since the 1940s.

The richest among us, on the other hand, are having a field day. You need to go back to the 1920s to achieve the same gap between the wealthiest and the rest of us. That is the feeling of trickle down on your leg. Middle class workers have been punked and good. While the Forbes list of wealthiest individuals, for the very first time, was composed entirely of billionaires (millionaires are sooo 20th century you know) in 2005. During that same year, the incomes of the bottom 90% of workers failed to keep up with inflation.

And here is where it gets tricky for the average schmoe trying to make a budget. The costs of everyday living have skyrocketed. Your salary has remained flat for years. And your employer is placing more and more of the onus on you to cover your health care costs (which have gone up 87 percent for family premiums in the past decade) and your retirement (secure pension funds being replaced by 401 Ks that you have little left to contribute to at the end of each month.)

College costs? Insane. Many graduates are carrying debt close to or in excess of six figures before they begin their first day on the job. Professions like the one I worked in demand a graduate degree. (Once you graduate, you can expect to make 30k - 40k per year.)

Job security? Let's not even go there. It is extremely challenging to steadily contribute to retirement or college funds when you are a contract worker, free lancer or one of the millions of 'consultants' who were fired from their jobs and re-hired into these nebulous positions with no benefits offered at all. We have become a nation of migrant workers. Unlike John Steinbeck's characters, our backs are not bent over the plow and the hoe. Rather they are tensed by the hours we log squinting at monitors. Although we have traded faded denim for business casual, the end result is the same for us.

I enjoyed my career as a librarian. I miss it. I still hope to return some day (although the odds grow dimmer and smaller with each passing year as our public libraries become casualties of the depressed economy). But my former salary would have left almost nothing left over after paying for full time child care, commuter costs and extras like quick meals on the run. We made a rather radical choice and decided to become one of the only 30% of families in the United States with only one income. It has been extremely rewarding for me as a mother. I believe our quality of life is much higher than it would have been if I had continued to work a full time job located an hour away from our home.

However, I cannot say that it is not terrifying sometimes. And, I get more of those guilt feelings for not contributing to our family's well being in a fiscal way. We are also well out of the mainstream of family life in this country...at least 'middle class' family life. And, herein, I believe, lies a partial solution to what ails us.

I often hear things when I talk to people (especially in the rather rarified stay-at-home mom-0-sphere) that take me by surprise. And then it begins to irritate me. As a cheapskate I am sometimes amused and sometimes depressed by what many people view as a 'need' rather than a 'want'.

To combat our economic situation, we have decided to party like it's 1959:

We live in a modest home in a non glamorous inner ring suburb. We own one car. We do not live like we automatically 'deserve' things like vacations, weekly 'dates', and the gadget-of-the month. We do not allow ourselves to be pressured into relocating to areas that are out of our reach by scare tactics and keeping up with the Jones type behaviour. If something is too expensive I just won't buy it. We have learned to delay gratification, sometimes for years, when it comes to living in a 'finished' home or having a real break. Amazingly, in our materialist culture, we are really very happy.

This will not cure what ails our bank balance in the long run. I honestly don't know how we will cope in our old age. Even if I get a reasonable job eventually and we save every penny I earn, college/grad school costs will eat up the lion's share. We will basically be living on one income forever and trying to save as much of the second income as possible.

I think we have been sensible. I think we have both worked honestly. I think we have tried hard to make the right priorities in our life. I am proud of the fact that we are not in debt. But I am still very worried that we have so little to show for the work we have done, the cuts we have made and the emphasis we have placed on happiness coming from things that you don't need to buy.

Like so many others in the formerly comfortable middle class and the newly precarious middle class I lie awake some nights wondering what my daughter will do. How will she live? Will she have the opportunities our generation had? How can I help her to feel happy, strong and good about herself despite the slings and arrows of economic fortune?

There are no easy answers. Although the book tries to provide some possible solutions, this type of societal shift can take decades to manage. We have some Big Questions to resolve in our society. And our generation has to accept that we are dealing with a seismic shift between our expectations and our reality. Our challenge is to become the first generation in America to do less well (in a financial sense) than our parents -- but to craft a good life for ourselves and our kids despite those odds. It is going to be very frightening. But we might find a better way of living in the end. And our kids might be better equipped to handle adversity because of this.
Profile Image for Yitka.
88 reviews11 followers
July 25, 2012
Yikes. Like many previous reviewers have stated, this is a disheartening read overall! If you're a young, educated member of today's American middle class, you're likely to find a great deal to relate to in this book, and most of it is pretty depressing. I did find some aspects refreshing, at least...the level of honest, candid disclosure on the struggles of an increasingly squeezed middle class. The rules have definitely changed since our parents' generation, and too often, I find economists/financial advisors/life coaches/etc. ignoring the fact that our generation is living by completely different rules than those before us. The book is well-written, and I found Mooney's pleas of injustice more sympathetic than other liberal writers who've tried to do the same (Barbara Ehrenreich, for example), who - despite material hitting close to home for me - I found to be a little too sheathed in classist entitlement to be truly sympathetic. This would be a great read for the libertarian crowd who seem to believe that anyone who's financially struggling is 100% to blame for their struggles...there are plenty of stories shared here of bright, driven individuals and couples working incredibly hard to make it in the world, and still not being able to make ends meet. With that said, with the exception of one tiny uplifting example couple at the very end, it's a very one-sided portrayal of the situation, and did little to address the role of personal accountability/financial responsibility as a tool to overcome the modern day challenges of the middle class. I would have liked to have seen more of a call to action throughout the book, rather than just at the end, and also a few more ideas/tools in general on how to live proactively and manage to thrive in the new economy. Overall lots of great food for thought here, though, and again, I appreciated the honest and often heart-breaking stories shared.
Profile Image for Wellington.
689 reviews23 followers
August 3, 2008

In the beginning the book grated on my nerves with people whining. But I decided to work myself through it any way because sometimes it's good to listen to an opposing viewpoint.

The book itself can be good reading if you are one of the many struggling middle class burdened with mounting debts and expectations of a supposed American typical middle class life and want to feel like other people share your pain. (sorry for long-ish sentence)

However, I'm not a proponent of more regulation and a bigger socialized government for a solutions. Lugging around debt from college ... then don't go. Having trouble with child care expense ... don't have a kid. Your mortgage is overwhelming you .. who put a gun to your head and told you to buy a house?

I liked the last chapter. Take more responsibility for your actions. But I'll build on the ideas.

Big business, government, institutions understand supply and demand - especially when it comes to money. If our money is no longer demanding their services, they'll change or die. Who is to say we can't change things on a large scale? Forty years ago, who would have thought someone would dethrone IBM, General Motors would be teetering on bankruptcy, and Woolworth's/Sears would falter to some company based in Arkansas? We, Americans, rebelled against the British Empire, knocked out Nazi Germany and won an idealogical war with USSR.

Surely, we have the power to make the changes for an affordable middle class life?
Profile Image for Mark.
1,126 reviews148 followers
May 26, 2011

Nan Mooney set out to write an article about the struggles she was having as a single young writer living and working in Manhattan. She was on a book tour at the time and would tell her audiences what she was working on and ask them to talk to her if they had tales to tell.

Did they ever. What emerged is a clear and powerful indictment of the American middle-class dream, at least as it is idealized by so many. Her basic premise is that many of the younger, two-income couples she interviewed had done all the right things -- worked hard, gone to good colleges, maintained middle class values of honesty and trying to start a family -- but the system was not working for them, particularly if they chose the helping professions, so that there was a clear and distressing split between the lawyers, doctors and financiers and the teachers, therapists and social workers.

She explores the various strands of the middle class crisis: the high cost of education and resulting heavy debt, the soaring cost of housing, the rising cost of child care, all set against stagnating wages in real dollars.

The book came out before the Great Recession, but if anything, its lessons and its stories are even more relevant now, especially since the primary source of wealth for most of these families -- their homes -- is in many cases greatly deflated in value.
Profile Image for Angela.
Author 7 books11 followers
August 31, 2009
This book is a “must read” for everyone in my generation. The author thoroughly researched and clearly presented the data that proves that people in my generation have less discretionary income than previous generations. The changing economy over the past several decades has had a significant impact on the distribution of wealth in the country, and reading this book helps to put it all in perspective. I highly, highly recommend it!

The only thing I didn’t like is the fact that Mooney focuses primarily on people who work in non-profit organizations or the arts. I totally agree with the argument that these fields should be better paid and even supported financially by the government as they provide an invaluable service to our communities. However, I would have liked to have seen more focus on people working in for-profit companies as a comparative piece. For example, I did my graduate work at an ivy league school, and there’s quite a difference in what the graduates who work in nonprofit make versus what those who work in for-profit companies. Other than that, GREAT book!

Oh, one warning with the book: Be prepared to have your eyes WIDE open and feel really angry at times about the state of our country when reading this book!
Profile Image for Natalie.
482 reviews
May 24, 2023
I was anxious to read about the excesses we indulge in as middle class but this was not really in this book. Having had to cut our income by a third because we put our kids in private school, I am interested in books about budgeting, the state of the economy etc... This book had many interesting examples of people struggling to keep up financially. Her main argument is the government does not look out for the middle class enough: wages, health care benefits, retirement benefits, and housing opportunites are all lower since our parents' middle years. College tuition is high, salaries are low and benefits are fewer and fewer. I agree, but she also puts so little blame on the middle class. What about overspending and overindulging. She argues, with little evidence, that people don't overspend that much. She does end though with a nice story of a woman who married and has a child whose focus is not getting ahead and life and lives a happy life. I did really like her point that as a country, we worry too much about businesses being successful rather than people finding success.
Profile Image for Woodall.
68 reviews
July 20, 2010
As a relatively young woman who desperately wishes to have a child but has been restricted due to educational, career, and financial choices, I found “(Not) Keeping Up with Our Parents” reassuring to realize that I am not alone in my struggle. Nor have I erred in these life choices because I have been feed empty promises of success. Mooney has effectively illustrated the plight of the now struggling educated middle class who are burdened with financial hardships resulting from their choices to pursue fulfilling careers, resulting in expensive educations, and followed by meager salaries. Additionally, Mooney’s critical analysis of the shift from US social responsibility towards individual sustainability within the past couple of decades is rather startling. If this progression maintains its course, the Middle Class will cease to exist as we know it and along with it, the American Dream.
76 reviews
December 10, 2008
Wow, this book illustrates a lot of the issues that plague the middle class. If you are a gen X or gen Y individual who has a college degree (even a post-doctorate degree) and is struggling to make ends meet, this book will only fuel the fire of resentment already boiling inside of you. HA! No, seriously, I read this book because I found the title to be intriguing. All in all, Nan Mooney takes a very Socialistic approach to government and almost suggests that it's the responsibility of the wealthy to take care of the rest of the population. Granted, she makes some excellent points (the depletion of the middle class is a growing issue) but she is also very one-sided. Read this book if you have a chance, but take it with a grain of salt.
Profile Image for Erica.
206 reviews12 followers
October 25, 2008
I picked this book up immediately after reading Jennifer Government , a novel about a world where corporations have taken over and there is no government and almost no call for social responsibility. Nan Mooney argues that this is exactly the world we are heading toward in Not Keeping Up With Our Parents. She approaches many of the difficulties that people have in managing their finances today, including dealing with increased student loans, health care and child care costs, and a volatile housing market. Interweaving statistical analysis with the stories of actual people, she persuasively argues that the middle class is in danger of disappearing.
345 reviews
September 3, 2009
Well-written and well-researched. Nan Mooney explains why it is so difficult for the middle class to keep its collective head above water. Rising health care costs, childcare costs, student loan payments and dampened salaries (particularly for those in the helping professions, including teachers, librarians, psychologists, and those in the arts)are making it difficult for many to purchase homes, save for retirement, etc. She talks about the myth that if you do the right thing - i.e., go to college and choose a profession - that you will be o.k. Fairly depressing in its realism. She does offer action plans such as lobbying for change, but any change that occurs will be too late for most of the people she interviewed for the book.
Profile Image for Mscharlee.
73 reviews1 follower
March 2, 2010
Started out good, bleak but really eye opening. Paints a picture of just how freaking hard it is for my generation vs. my parent's. Problem was it got too repetitive and eventually depressing. Chapter after chapter goes into just how messed up our economy and society is and how we will never catch up. Also, some of the examples made in the book were not very good ones. For instance, anyone shelling out over six figures in college loans has been mislead. Several of the people mentioned who are struggling obviously bit off more than they could chew such as the women who was financially strapped yet owne her own home and private office? That's two mortgages.

I didn't finish the book but it di dprovide what I was looking for. The truth. And it sucks!!!
15 reviews3 followers
January 6, 2011
I definitely could relate to many of the insights made by the author. The author challenges the belief that if you go to college and obtain a degree, you will make more money, when in reality, that is no longer the case. One line of thinking teaches you to study what you love, but that theory fails to acknowledge that you have big bills to pay such as a mortgage, student loan, car payments, etc. At times, I wanted to say in acknowledgment, "Amen!," and at other times was frustrated and angry at the current situation that many Americans around my age are experiencing because it's unfortunately true. I think the author did a great job reporting on the issue, but was left wanting more of a resolution or solution to the dilemma than just write your local government official.
Profile Image for Bill Erickson.
11 reviews14 followers
August 14, 2015
This book is clearly pandering to those who already feel the way the author does - that society (ie, the rich) isn't taking care of the working- to middle-class well enough. It is just the same argument over and over, extended through many examples and statistics.

It's actually a bit depressing and cynical. The author will use an example, like a successful artist that has sold out art shows, movies made from her scripts, and great reviews in the New York Times. But even with all this success, this artist can barely survive and has a huge amount of credit card debt. If she can't survive even with all this success, how could you make it?

After you read the first chapter, you will know all you can learn from this book.
Profile Image for Jessie.
47 reviews27 followers
February 27, 2008
(full disclosure: I work for the publisher...)

Do your student loan balances exceed what you make in a year? Why does it seem like we make less and less and owe more and more? Nan Mooney relates honest stories about personal finance--some horrifying, some familiar--that paint a grim picture of life in the professional middle class today. Many of us are reluctant to talk to our friends and family about our money anxieties, but this book may change your mind: it's likely they're experiencing the same troubles you are.
Profile Image for Liz.
1,128 reviews8 followers
January 12, 2016
What a dismal bunch of information on how the middle class isn't really an achievable goal for most, in spite of college degree or degrees. I wonder, though, how these interviews would have read if this had been written after the Affordable Care Act was in place for a few years. Making the choice between those things our parents seemed to be able to have achieved (owing a home, taking vacations, having retirement funds, adequate health insurance, and even paying for children!) seems to be beyond today's middle class, even with two incomes.
Profile Image for Stuart Lutz.
Author 2 books7 followers
January 2, 2011
A very important and informative Gen X book, filled with facts interwoven with interviews of people. The book really sang to me the way few other non-fiction books have recently. Mooney correctly predicted that the housing bubble couldn't go on forever, and she discusses how some parents will still be paying off their college loans while their kids are off at college. I thought the last chapter was a tad too preachy, but I read it quickly and thoroughly enjoyed it.
52 reviews1 follower
August 20, 2008
This isn't easy to read, regardless of what stage of your life you're in, but I feel it's realistic. Reading it at a young age and being aware of the "real world" will help you come up with your best plan as you finish school and start out on your career.
Profile Image for The Moongoddess.
2 reviews1 follower
June 30, 2008
A great look at the socio-economic crisis in America that many are facing as the middle class becomes almost non-existent. Another reason I like the book is because I am in it! :)
Profile Image for Tina.
455 reviews11 followers
September 20, 2008
This book confirmed my suspicions that Gen X IS working hard. We're just not getting the same bang for our bucks as previous generations...not by a long shot.
Profile Image for Cheri.
84 reviews1 follower
January 31, 2010
Want to know why you feel like you're swimming uphill despite being college-educated & having a professional job? This book is for you.
Profile Image for A'Llyn Ettien.
1,324 reviews2 followers
February 22, 2011
Looking to get an engagingly-written book that will have you super-depressed about your financial prospects? Look no further!
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