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Mortified
Share the shame.
In the days before blogs, teenagers recorded their lives with a pen in top-secret notebooks, usually emblazoned with an earnest, underlined plea to parents to keep away. Since 2002, David Nadelberg has tapped that vast wellspring of adolescent anguish in the stage show Mortified , in which grown men and women confront their past with firsthand tales of their first kiss, first puff, worst prom, fights with mom, life at bible camp, worst hand job, best mall job, and reasons they deserved to marry Simon LeBon.
Following the same formula that has made the live show a beloved cult hit, Mortified the book takes real childhood journals and documents and edits the entries into captivating, comedic, and cathartic stories, introduced by their now older (and allegedly wiser) authors. From letters begging rescue from a hellish summer camp to catty locker notes about stuck-up classmates to obsessive love that borders on stalking, Mortified gives voice to the real -- and really pathetic -- hopes, fears, desires, and creative urgings that have united adolescents for generations.
In the days before blogs, teenagers recorded their lives with a pen in top-secret notebooks, usually emblazoned with an earnest, underlined plea to parents to keep away. Since 2002, David Nadelberg has tapped that vast wellspring of adolescent anguish in the stage show Mortified , in which grown men and women confront their past with firsthand tales of their first kiss, first puff, worst prom, fights with mom, life at bible camp, worst hand job, best mall job, and reasons they deserved to marry Simon LeBon.
Following the same formula that has made the live show a beloved cult hit, Mortified the book takes real childhood journals and documents and edits the entries into captivating, comedic, and cathartic stories, introduced by their now older (and allegedly wiser) authors. From letters begging rescue from a hellish summer camp to catty locker notes about stuck-up classmates to obsessive love that borders on stalking, Mortified gives voice to the real -- and really pathetic -- hopes, fears, desires, and creative urgings that have united adolescents for generations.
416 pages, Paperback
First published November 28, 2006
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May 17, 2008
These excerpts from kids' diaries might make you flash back somewhat uncomfortably to your own teen and pre-teen years when the most pressing matter was whether Gordon just liked you, or whether he liked you liked you. But despite the title, I found all these diary entires sweet, even when they're completely bizarre. Example from the diary of an eighth-grade girl:
"Ever since I recommitted my life to Christ on Saturday, I've been having such a good life. I kind of like this guy named Andy. Later love, Anne Jensen."
Also unbelievably fabulous, if that word can be applied to something a bit macabre, is the entry from the 13-year-old who writes out her fantasy about being swept off her feet by Simon Le Bon and John Taylor from Duran Duran and moving in with them after her parents die in a fire. Oh, I know -- but the description doesn't do it justice. (Of course, they all MAKE LOVE.) And of course, it's precisely the sort of thing I would have written as a pre-teen (and probably did, though I've mercifully blocked it out of my memory), although I would have substituted the guys from "Starsky and Hutch" (hoo boy, am I dating myself).
There are a couple of exceptions -- at least two of the entries really don't seem to belong in the book, as the tone is out of kilter with the rest of the entries (I'm thinking mainly of the girl who sleeps around and uses cocaine, eventually landing in Narcotics Anonymous, at age 13. Uh, did I miss something, or was the tone of this book light and funny?). But you can tell those from the others pretty early on and skip them, if you're so inclined.
And I must admit I get a bit of a thrill from reading other people's diaries, even if they have given me permission.
If you're anywhere south of 45, this one is highly recommended, because I promise you'll recognize yourself, and probably your friends, somewhere in here.
"Ever since I recommitted my life to Christ on Saturday, I've been having such a good life. I kind of like this guy named Andy. Later love, Anne Jensen."
Also unbelievably fabulous, if that word can be applied to something a bit macabre, is the entry from the 13-year-old who writes out her fantasy about being swept off her feet by Simon Le Bon and John Taylor from Duran Duran and moving in with them after her parents die in a fire. Oh, I know -- but the description doesn't do it justice. (Of course, they all MAKE LOVE.) And of course, it's precisely the sort of thing I would have written as a pre-teen (and probably did, though I've mercifully blocked it out of my memory), although I would have substituted the guys from "Starsky and Hutch" (hoo boy, am I dating myself).
There are a couple of exceptions -- at least two of the entries really don't seem to belong in the book, as the tone is out of kilter with the rest of the entries (I'm thinking mainly of the girl who sleeps around and uses cocaine, eventually landing in Narcotics Anonymous, at age 13. Uh, did I miss something, or was the tone of this book light and funny?). But you can tell those from the others pretty early on and skip them, if you're so inclined.
And I must admit I get a bit of a thrill from reading other people's diaries, even if they have given me permission.
If you're anywhere south of 45, this one is highly recommended, because I promise you'll recognize yourself, and probably your friends, somewhere in here.
March 14, 2012
I only made it to page 142 before it was due back at the library and returned it but here is my review so far...in teen diary style.
February 3, 2012
This is so annoying! In the middle of reading a great book I have to return it. I mean this book is super funny and I like to have it around to read a few entries in between novels. Then I had to go and open my big fat mouth and tell Alexa about it and then she went and put it on hold and now I have to wait until she is done with it until I can finish it! Can you believe that? Also Cyrus kept stealing it and reading it and he was shocked by how much teenage girls think about sex. He told me if he knew as a teen boy what he knows now he would have had a totally different high school experience. I think this is VERY funny. Just writing this makes me wish I could still be reading it. I'm totally regretting asking Alexa to go to the Lane Ave. shopping mall with me in 7th grade and not only because I bought that stupid ugly belt from Tropical Trends, but also because then maybe we would never have become friends and then I would never have told her about this book and I could still be reading it! Well, I guess I will have to wait...ugh.
February 3, 2012
This is so annoying! In the middle of reading a great book I have to return it. I mean this book is super funny and I like to have it around to read a few entries in between novels. Then I had to go and open my big fat mouth and tell Alexa about it and then she went and put it on hold and now I have to wait until she is done with it until I can finish it! Can you believe that? Also Cyrus kept stealing it and reading it and he was shocked by how much teenage girls think about sex. He told me if he knew as a teen boy what he knows now he would have had a totally different high school experience. I think this is VERY funny. Just writing this makes me wish I could still be reading it. I'm totally regretting asking Alexa to go to the Lane Ave. shopping mall with me in 7th grade and not only because I bought that stupid ugly belt from Tropical Trends, but also because then maybe we would never have become friends and then I would never have told her about this book and I could still be reading it! Well, I guess I will have to wait...ugh.
March 15, 2007
Oh. My. God.
Imagine if someone took your most personal writing, your diary entries from when you had a crush on Tony or totally hated Dana*, your fan letters to Kirk Cameron, or your list of ways to improve your wretched, self-hating teen incarnation of you.
And then they edited it for form and published it in the BEST BOOK EVER.
Just imagine.
I heart this book so so so much. I don't remember the last time I laughed out loud like this. I was cracking up with abandon on the subway, in line at the airport (come on, a book that makes THAT experience is enjoyable is well worth reading!), you name it.
I suppose if you wanted to be philosophical about it you could say that it's a great lens through which to view teenage paranoia and get a little perspective on just how self-centered we were... and maybe still are? :)
*Note: Any coincidence to persons living or dead is purely coincidence.
Imagine if someone took your most personal writing, your diary entries from when you had a crush on Tony or totally hated Dana*, your fan letters to Kirk Cameron, or your list of ways to improve your wretched, self-hating teen incarnation of you.
And then they edited it for form and published it in the BEST BOOK EVER.
Just imagine.
I heart this book so so so much. I don't remember the last time I laughed out loud like this. I was cracking up with abandon on the subway, in line at the airport (come on, a book that makes THAT experience is enjoyable is well worth reading!), you name it.
I suppose if you wanted to be philosophical about it you could say that it's a great lens through which to view teenage paranoia and get a little perspective on just how self-centered we were... and maybe still are? :)
*Note: Any coincidence to persons living or dead is purely coincidence.
August 3, 2007
If you read this, you will feel so much better about how big of a dork you were in middle school. These people are BRAVE to share these stories and let people laugh at them. I burned everything that my pencil touched at that age.
November 12, 2007
First of all, I have to say that as I was reading this book, I had to go back and change my rating of Anne Frank’s diary from 4 to 5 stars.
This is a really fun & easy read. A lot of these kids’ diaries/letters are mediocre, at times even boring because of the repetitiveness, but right in the middle of one of those, there’d be an entry where I’d start laughing out loud, and that happened numerous times.
I do think this material probably works even better as a stage show. Was slightly disappointed at the end when they gave contributor updates and I realized almost all of the participants are currently in show business; I would have liked a more heterogeneous sample.
Good thing I never really kept a diary in case I was ever tempted to participate; my entries, if honest, would have been so much more humiliating and pathetic than virtually all of the entries here.
This is a really fun & easy read. A lot of these kids’ diaries/letters are mediocre, at times even boring because of the repetitiveness, but right in the middle of one of those, there’d be an entry where I’d start laughing out loud, and that happened numerous times.
I do think this material probably works even better as a stage show. Was slightly disappointed at the end when they gave contributor updates and I realized almost all of the participants are currently in show business; I would have liked a more heterogeneous sample.
Good thing I never really kept a diary in case I was ever tempted to participate; my entries, if honest, would have been so much more humiliating and pathetic than virtually all of the entries here.
August 14, 2007
Remember back before blogs, IM and MySpace? You know, notes and diaries? Well, here a bunch of 30-somethings get together to share their most humiliating notes and journal entries. You'll laugh, you'll cry, you'll go find your 7th grade diary.
January 15, 2024
Genuinely really funny at times, but where were these kids’ parents.
January 13, 2009
I picked this book up after attending a live performance of the Mortified show and quickly working my way through it.
The premise of the book/show is to take old diary entries, love letters or similar from those who have now grown out of adolescence and can only look back on their own shallowness/lack of understanding with abject mortification. Then it publishes these works for all of the rest of the world to gawk and laugh at. If you haven’t kept a journal/diary or whatnot during your youth, you might not get as much out of this book.
However, if you are like me, and used to keep detailed accounts of all of the most “traumatic” moments of your teen years, you will likely love some of the entries in this book. There are a few gems buried in the book that provoked knee-slapping laughs and this is generally what you should be hoping for when approaching this book. There are also a few sections that I don't think add much to the book. It is not a sentimental stroll down memory lane as maybe a couple of the reviewers were expecting. That said, there are occasional passages that just ring so true of my own mindset at the time that the book does encourage a bit of reflection on how much I have changed since those days (and presumably how different one might be in another 10-20 years - This too shall pass, I suppose). So there is a glimpse into human psychology in these pages as well, though likely just an unintentional by-product of the subject.
My own personal “Mortified moment” was an entry when I was 16, which has to be at least 20 pages long and is detailing how terrified and how full of self-loathing I am as a result of being forced to admit to myself that I am gay. The epiphany came to me after (of all things…) watching the completely campy movie In & Out. My entry details how I am sure that I will never be happy in my life again and has water splotches that are suspiciously tear-shaped. The journal entry on the next day is about one paragraph long and in a stupefying feat of denial makes no reference to the previous entry and instead talks about a high-school girl who I “think I have a crush on”… Wow…
The premise of the book/show is to take old diary entries, love letters or similar from those who have now grown out of adolescence and can only look back on their own shallowness/lack of understanding with abject mortification. Then it publishes these works for all of the rest of the world to gawk and laugh at. If you haven’t kept a journal/diary or whatnot during your youth, you might not get as much out of this book.
However, if you are like me, and used to keep detailed accounts of all of the most “traumatic” moments of your teen years, you will likely love some of the entries in this book. There are a few gems buried in the book that provoked knee-slapping laughs and this is generally what you should be hoping for when approaching this book. There are also a few sections that I don't think add much to the book. It is not a sentimental stroll down memory lane as maybe a couple of the reviewers were expecting. That said, there are occasional passages that just ring so true of my own mindset at the time that the book does encourage a bit of reflection on how much I have changed since those days (and presumably how different one might be in another 10-20 years - This too shall pass, I suppose). So there is a glimpse into human psychology in these pages as well, though likely just an unintentional by-product of the subject.
My own personal “Mortified moment” was an entry when I was 16, which has to be at least 20 pages long and is detailing how terrified and how full of self-loathing I am as a result of being forced to admit to myself that I am gay. The epiphany came to me after (of all things…) watching the completely campy movie In & Out. My entry details how I am sure that I will never be happy in my life again and has water splotches that are suspiciously tear-shaped. The journal entry on the next day is about one paragraph long and in a stupefying feat of denial makes no reference to the previous entry and instead talks about a high-school girl who I “think I have a crush on”… Wow…
November 25, 2010
Ah, being a teenager... The drama! The angst! The ab-so-freaking-lute tragedy that was your daily life! The (grossly mistaken) confidence that YOU and YOU ALONE were smarter than everyone--especially your parents--and knew absolutely everything there was to know about the world! ( care for a shot of overcompensation, anyone?) One day you were at the heights of happiness and the next saw you in the depths of despair ( Note: the later was an actual phrase used by my best friend and I when we were, oh, 13 or 14. Example: "Oh my god, Lisa, I am in the depths of despair!"). Of course the entire WORLD was forever against poor innocent little you.
Oh the humanity!
So what did you do? You spent countless hours locked in your room, listening to mix tapes and venting into the trusted and oh-so-secret pages of your diary your frustrations and feelings about your parents, your peers, your popularity, and your puberty (or lack thereof). You bemoaned the fact that your secret crush didn't know you existed (shocker). You recounted the details of the even the smallest of tiffs you had with your best friend down to the exact words that were used--including every single improper use of the word "like"--and swore up and down that you hated this person and wished they would die some terrible death ( never mind that you made up two days later) You obsessed about people whose faces you can't even recall. Maybe you even tried your hand at writing and penned some absolutely brilliant (um,ignorant?) fan fiction. And, naturally, you peppered most everything you wrote with profanity, much of which you didn't fully understand the meaning of, because you thought it made your point sound all the more valid and important (sophisticated, weren't we?)
You remember doing some or all of this, right?
(I do.)
For those of you who answered "Yes," check out Mortified, edited and compiled by David Nadelberg. You'll laugh, you'll cry, and you'll throw up as you come face-to-face with your adolescent self in all her/his insecure glory.
For those of you who answered "No"....Liar.
Oh the humanity!
So what did you do? You spent countless hours locked in your room, listening to mix tapes and venting into the trusted and oh-so-secret pages of your diary your frustrations and feelings about your parents, your peers, your popularity, and your puberty (or lack thereof). You bemoaned the fact that your secret crush didn't know you existed (shocker). You recounted the details of the even the smallest of tiffs you had with your best friend down to the exact words that were used--including every single improper use of the word "like"--and swore up and down that you hated this person and wished they would die some terrible death ( never mind that you made up two days later) You obsessed about people whose faces you can't even recall. Maybe you even tried your hand at writing and penned some absolutely brilliant (um,ignorant?) fan fiction. And, naturally, you peppered most everything you wrote with profanity, much of which you didn't fully understand the meaning of, because you thought it made your point sound all the more valid and important (sophisticated, weren't we?)
You remember doing some or all of this, right?
(I do.)
For those of you who answered "Yes," check out Mortified, edited and compiled by David Nadelberg. You'll laugh, you'll cry, and you'll throw up as you come face-to-face with your adolescent self in all her/his insecure glory.
For those of you who answered "No"....Liar.
December 21, 2007
Contrary to the author-editor's disclaimer in the introduction, the best part of this book is, in fact, the little pokes of nostalgia scattered throughout...and though the tidbits are refreshingly genuine (each diary entry has, purportedly, been left unaltered)...not contrived like nostalgic retrospectives...there are fewer of those pokes than one might hope.
A collection of diary excerpts submitted by folks both humbled in the face of their own immaturity, and those not so much, it's mostly the former; and while there are a few entries from survivors of the 90s, most came of age the same time I did: the mid-to-late 80s. Regardless of era, though, I think just about every one of us can relate to the angst, the crippling insecurity, and the complete lack of perspective that each entry illustrates.
That said...it gets old, quick.
I did notice a couple of things:
1. Though there are a couple of entries written by insufferably smug (yet deliciously earnest) Born-Again Christians, the majority of the diarists seem to be Jewish; I still can't figure out if it's because teenage Jews keep more journals than Goyim, or because the guy who compiled "Mortified" took advantage of his connections at the Jewish Center when doing his legwork for the book; and,
2. I think what might have made the book more compelling is if the "Adult Me Says" (comments/insights by the author of the entry, in hindsight) were more in-depth, perhaps including follow ups, when appropriate. The one or two sentences allotted just didn't satisfy.
3. Preteens and teenagers are, by nature, irritating and self-centered...and I find I get my fill after about 30 seconds.
Exceptions: "I Hate Drake" and "Unhappy Camper"; oh, and "Bad Advice" and "Fight the Power". Those were gems.
A collection of diary excerpts submitted by folks both humbled in the face of their own immaturity, and those not so much, it's mostly the former; and while there are a few entries from survivors of the 90s, most came of age the same time I did: the mid-to-late 80s. Regardless of era, though, I think just about every one of us can relate to the angst, the crippling insecurity, and the complete lack of perspective that each entry illustrates.
That said...it gets old, quick.
I did notice a couple of things:
1. Though there are a couple of entries written by insufferably smug (yet deliciously earnest) Born-Again Christians, the majority of the diarists seem to be Jewish; I still can't figure out if it's because teenage Jews keep more journals than Goyim, or because the guy who compiled "Mortified" took advantage of his connections at the Jewish Center when doing his legwork for the book; and,
2. I think what might have made the book more compelling is if the "Adult Me Says" (comments/insights by the author of the entry, in hindsight) were more in-depth, perhaps including follow ups, when appropriate. The one or two sentences allotted just didn't satisfy.
3. Preteens and teenagers are, by nature, irritating and self-centered...and I find I get my fill after about 30 seconds.
Exceptions: "I Hate Drake" and "Unhappy Camper"; oh, and "Bad Advice" and "Fight the Power". Those were gems.
December 10, 2008
While there were a few laugh out loud excepts in this book, they were few and far between. The remainder of the excerpts were either pretty pedestrian or exceptionally sad, heartbreaking, and scary cries for help. There are entries written by 12 and 13 year girls who are doing cocaine, having sex, and dating men in their 20's. There are endless of entries of girls with low self esteem who have the most heart wrenching view of the world and boys they like. There is an entry by a teenage boy who threatens suicide and is journaling from the psychiatric ward where he is under mandatory suicide watch. There were too many entries I read and felt sick to my stomach about. Too many times the excerpts read like a psychological profile in a serious book about teenage destructive behaviors instead of light-hearted humor. There were many pages where there was nothing to laugh about.
A second thing that isn't sitting well with me is the end of the book. It gives the readers short "Where are they now" paragraphs of all the contributors. Almost all of them either became, writers or comedians, I find this highly suspect, and can't help but wonder how "true" these entries are. Were they embellished by the authors before submit? Where they entirely made up?
A second thing that isn't sitting well with me is the end of the book. It gives the readers short "Where are they now" paragraphs of all the contributors. Almost all of them either became, writers or comedians, I find this highly suspect, and can't help but wonder how "true" these entries are. Were they embellished by the authors before submit? Where they entirely made up?
June 1, 2012
This book had its moments, but in the end I was slightly disappointed. From the back and the description I expected Mortified to be funny, and it was in a few parts, but mostly it was just nostalgic. It reminded me of being a kid and the stupid things I did, but I didn't find myself laughing throughout. Maybe I just expected too much, or the wrong thing.
Still, I enjoye the book. It was interesting to see all these snapshots of other peoples' childhoods, and to see how many reminded me of myself (surprisingly, not many). The introductions were nice ways to get the reader into each new story, but I think if there had been a little bit more from the "Adult" voices it would have made the book better. I think some of the moments I liked reading most were those moments of reflection from the adult voice, or the moment of clarification where we learned exactly how much they exagerated in their younger selves.
Overall, it's a nice read, nothing amazing or hillarious, but interesting. It did remind me of being a kid, which I think was the point. Anyone who likes these kinds of collections will enjoy the short flashbacks this book gives.
Still, I enjoye the book. It was interesting to see all these snapshots of other peoples' childhoods, and to see how many reminded me of myself (surprisingly, not many). The introductions were nice ways to get the reader into each new story, but I think if there had been a little bit more from the "Adult" voices it would have made the book better. I think some of the moments I liked reading most were those moments of reflection from the adult voice, or the moment of clarification where we learned exactly how much they exagerated in their younger selves.
Overall, it's a nice read, nothing amazing or hillarious, but interesting. It did remind me of being a kid, which I think was the point. Anyone who likes these kinds of collections will enjoy the short flashbacks this book gives.
March 22, 2015
I love the idea of this collection and I had a lot of fun reading it. Mortified reminded me of how overdramatic and filled with ennui teenagers are. And it made me wonder where my old diaries were--and what kind of hilarious drivel I penned when I was a yearning, hurting young thing.
The nice thing about this book is that it's broken up into easily readable sections and it's pure fluff so it was a nice break from reading the information-heavy books I'm currently in the middle of. There are lots of summer camp stories and misconceptions about how sex works which is always entertaining. Parts of it had me laughing out loud. Someone wrote a rap about a sausage. A sausage. It's as epic and bad as you think it'll be. I was delighted to read a chapter by Retta--I adore her and was thrilled to see that she was as eloquent and feisty in her teens as she appears to be now. Other favorites include fan fiction stories and the cameo by Liza Minelli. Really, all the stories are delicious. It's an entertaining reminder about who we were growing up and (hopefully) how far we've come. Read this, laugh lots and then reflect on how much you've grown.
The nice thing about this book is that it's broken up into easily readable sections and it's pure fluff so it was a nice break from reading the information-heavy books I'm currently in the middle of. There are lots of summer camp stories and misconceptions about how sex works which is always entertaining. Parts of it had me laughing out loud. Someone wrote a rap about a sausage. A sausage. It's as epic and bad as you think it'll be. I was delighted to read a chapter by Retta--I adore her and was thrilled to see that she was as eloquent and feisty in her teens as she appears to be now. Other favorites include fan fiction stories and the cameo by Liza Minelli. Really, all the stories are delicious. It's an entertaining reminder about who we were growing up and (hopefully) how far we've come. Read this, laugh lots and then reflect on how much you've grown.
September 23, 2007
These people are my heroes! I love them for saving their self absorbed, dramatic, naive pre-teen/teen writings and being willing to share them with the world. I haven't laughed so hard at a collection of writing since first reading Sedaris.
The range of stories are great: from the 11 (?) year old girl writing a pornographic novel that reveals how she's defining sexual terms and experiences in her mind (i.e. orgasms result in urination and penises are hooks to be unhinged at the right moment) to stories about fervent conversions to Christianity. I kept thinking "this has got to be the best one yet" and then another one would have me thinking the same thing.
I loved that these kids wanted to feel everything with such passion despite their limited experiences. It was comforting and hilarious to hear people sound as ridiculous as all of us do at one point or another in our lives.
The range of stories are great: from the 11 (?) year old girl writing a pornographic novel that reveals how she's defining sexual terms and experiences in her mind (i.e. orgasms result in urination and penises are hooks to be unhinged at the right moment) to stories about fervent conversions to Christianity. I kept thinking "this has got to be the best one yet" and then another one would have me thinking the same thing.
I loved that these kids wanted to feel everything with such passion despite their limited experiences. It was comforting and hilarious to hear people sound as ridiculous as all of us do at one point or another in our lives.
May 10, 2010
This book is a collection of diary excerpts written by various people in their teenage years. Each entry is introduced by the now adult writer.
I give these people a lot of credit for being brave enough to let others read their teenage diaries-talk about humiliation! This started out as a stage production where the entries were read aloud-I can only imagine how funny that must have been. Most entries were really funny and brought back vivid memories of what it was like to be totally obsessed with a singer, a song, or a boy who sat behind me in math class.
The only negative thing for me was that a few entries were totally horrifying and all too graphic accounts of 13 year olds having sex with older boys. Call me a prude but I just don't find statutory rape funny. Those could have been left out and I would have been much happier. Overall still a fun read.
I give these people a lot of credit for being brave enough to let others read their teenage diaries-talk about humiliation! This started out as a stage production where the entries were read aloud-I can only imagine how funny that must have been. Most entries were really funny and brought back vivid memories of what it was like to be totally obsessed with a singer, a song, or a boy who sat behind me in math class.
The only negative thing for me was that a few entries were totally horrifying and all too graphic accounts of 13 year olds having sex with older boys. Call me a prude but I just don't find statutory rape funny. Those could have been left out and I would have been much happier. Overall still a fun read.
December 25, 2023
Okay, after seeing Mortified in person, I am giving the book a second try and am VERY happy! Its pretty funny. The Porn Story- "Well, Brad and I sat in his car and did in the back seat while 'Ice Ice Baby' was playing on the radio. He unzipped my leather jacket and frenched my boobs and squeezed my butt" hahahahahahah.
"To whom it may concern,
Last week I read a story that Ringling brothers circus turned a goat into a unicorn. I think that is one of the meanest things you could do to a goat. Now his family won't recognize him and other goats will think he's weird. How would you like it if I took your nose and put it in the middle of your forehead so people would laugh at you?"
"To whom it may concern,
Last week I read a story that Ringling brothers circus turned a goat into a unicorn. I think that is one of the meanest things you could do to a goat. Now his family won't recognize him and other goats will think he's weird. How would you like it if I took your nose and put it in the middle of your forehead so people would laugh at you?"
October 18, 2015
This was such a great read. It is still in my bookcase because I want to lend it to everyone!!
When we are young, we all think our crushes/parents/school issues are the WORST and NO ONE understands. The thing is, it happens to ALL of us and this book along with the stand up videos it has created, make you realize, you weren't alone.
Everyone went through the same crap. We just didn't think anyone else knew our pain.
When we are young, we all think our crushes/parents/school issues are the WORST and NO ONE understands. The thing is, it happens to ALL of us and this book along with the stand up videos it has created, make you realize, you weren't alone.
Everyone went through the same crap. We just didn't think anyone else knew our pain.
June 11, 2007
Freaking hilarious. Sometimes painfully so. The 'sex' fantasies about Duran Duran hit a little too close to home for me - really brought me back to being 13 again and truly believing I would some day marry John Taylor.
October 27, 2007
Oddly dissatisfying. Too many similar entries, not enough follow up on what happened to these people. I guess I had a pretty sheltered childhood, as I had trouble relating to the more graphic entries. I can see that this would work better as performance art.
February 25, 2008
If you are looking for a light read that can not only bring a smile to your face but make you feel not only accepted but completely normal for all the ridiculously dorky things you did when you were an adolescent
August 14, 2011
Teen angst ain't all it's cracked up to be. Yes, Mortified had it moments. But it simply was not mortifying enough.
Best entry: 'Duran Duran Fan Fiction'. It could've been written by me when I was Fourteen. And, no, I'm not shamed to admit that ...
Best entry: 'Duran Duran Fan Fiction'. It could've been written by me when I was Fourteen. And, no, I'm not shamed to admit that ...
October 1, 2011
Very funny collection of excerpts from teen/tween diaries. Not quite as hysterical as the live show - but a great read if you don't have performances in your area - just remember to do so in an highly angsty teen voice.
April 2, 2008
This is the BEST THING EVER! I laughed so hard that I was crying multiple time! Thanks so much to K-Hops for lending it to me. I have to get my own copy!
May 31, 2019
How humiliating would it be as a teenager to know that strangers (or anyone) is reading your deepest darkest secrets and your thoughts! How horrible and the stuff of nightmares. As an adult reading these excerpts and looking back through the lens of life experiences, the humor of what was taken so seriously as a teen is so funny! This is amazing, and a reminder that things aren't as dreadful as expected, and your life isn't as dire as you think.
December 22, 2008
the concept behind this book is that real people allowed the editor to re-publish their youthful diary entries & other confessional writings (love letters & such forth). the result is hilariously awful. this book seriously made me laugh out loud more times than i can count. so why only a three-star rating? probably just because you can buy this book at urban outfitters, & i am reluctant to give anything with such faux-hipster cachet a terribly high rating. it's the snob in me, which was born prior to 1980. (remember last year how urban outfitters had that ad campaign that was all, "urban outfitters: 1980-2007"? like, way to make me feel ancient.) that & plus, you know, as hilarious as this book was, it's probably not the kind of thing i will re-read again & again. some of my favorite bits included: the kid who thought that mummies existed in the middle ages (along with jesters & mistrels). the exchange of letters between a kid at camp & his parents (he hated camp & relentlessly begged to be taken home, & even threatened to kill himself, which fell of deaf ears). really, there was a lot of great stuff in here--lots of angst that will be familiar to any & all who attended junior high, lots of yearning after crushes who don't know the writers are alive, lots of horrifying pop culture references (like the journal that was all about the author thinking she was going to tour with NKOTB & that joey mcintyre was going to fall in love with her on the spot, or the rudimentary duran duran fan fiction).
September 14, 2011
Mortified is a semi-hilarious diaries/essays/journals of youth. Remember when you wrote "notes" during class that started with "Hey, What's up, Dude?" and then rattled on about nothing. That's mostly what this book is made up of. ost kids and people for that matter, just don't have anything interesting to say. There were a few stand outs.
*Sara Barron wrote a porn where she thought you pee when you orgasm. Yep.
*Lisa Fowler was a cotton judger and details "There's more to life than cotton." (I walked around for days gasping this phrase.)
*Niya Palmer full of against doesn't know why anyone would ever get married (and I agree.) She also won't ever let anyone in her room while she give birth. She said "I would just be along in a locked room all day long until I had the baby. I'm serious." I'm serious too. Niya Palmer is funny.
My childhood was nowhere near as exciting. I didn't get to go to camp, snort cocaine, or befriend Liza Minnelli. The most that I did was host a cooking show aloud to myself when I made my ramen noodles. But this this book does show that no matter how weird you are, you will probably still grow up to lead a normal-ish life.
On to the food:
Stephen Scaia wrote to Mr. Belvedere for two years. He liked to east and watch television. "I got in trouble in school so I cam home, napped, had a cinnamon roll for a snack, and watched "The Last Starfighter (awesome!)"
*Sara Barron wrote a porn where she thought you pee when you orgasm. Yep.
*Lisa Fowler was a cotton judger and details "There's more to life than cotton." (I walked around for days gasping this phrase.)
*Niya Palmer full of against doesn't know why anyone would ever get married (and I agree.) She also won't ever let anyone in her room while she give birth. She said "I would just be along in a locked room all day long until I had the baby. I'm serious." I'm serious too. Niya Palmer is funny.
My childhood was nowhere near as exciting. I didn't get to go to camp, snort cocaine, or befriend Liza Minnelli. The most that I did was host a cooking show aloud to myself when I made my ramen noodles. But this this book does show that no matter how weird you are, you will probably still grow up to lead a normal-ish life.
On to the food:
Stephen Scaia wrote to Mr. Belvedere for two years. He liked to east and watch television. "I got in trouble in school so I cam home, napped, had a cinnamon roll for a snack, and watched "The Last Starfighter (awesome!)"
March 1, 2008
Reality fascinates people in a way like no other. The more off-kilter or screwed up, the better it seems. We revel in the dysfunction of others as it allows us to forget about our own dysfunction.
Mortified: Love is a Battlefield is the perfect train wreck for rubberneckers everywhere.
A compilation of journal entries from hormone driven adolescents, you enter a world most want to forget. The angst and pain of young love. Oh how we thought we knew so much and how we let our emotions and dreams carry us away!
Enjoy sappy poetry, longing for maturity in an immature world, heartache, and all the bad things we remember from high school. Knock off hair band lyrics, questionable fashion choices, and the pain of "Why won't they just CALL?????"
This book is the sort of thing that makes you want to burn the pages of your own diary lest anyone ever discover it. As you read something truly pathetic, you realize you wrote the exact same thing in your own journal fifteen years ago.
Just the sort of thing to remind you why to avoid the next high school reunion like the plague, read Mortified: Love is a Battlefield and revel in your own voyeurism.
The perfect book for Valentine's Day.
Mortified: Love is a Battlefield is the perfect train wreck for rubberneckers everywhere.
A compilation of journal entries from hormone driven adolescents, you enter a world most want to forget. The angst and pain of young love. Oh how we thought we knew so much and how we let our emotions and dreams carry us away!
Enjoy sappy poetry, longing for maturity in an immature world, heartache, and all the bad things we remember from high school. Knock off hair band lyrics, questionable fashion choices, and the pain of "Why won't they just CALL?????"
This book is the sort of thing that makes you want to burn the pages of your own diary lest anyone ever discover it. As you read something truly pathetic, you realize you wrote the exact same thing in your own journal fifteen years ago.
Just the sort of thing to remind you why to avoid the next high school reunion like the plague, read Mortified: Love is a Battlefield and revel in your own voyeurism.
The perfect book for Valentine's Day.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
April 13, 2010
For anyone who has ever kept a journal (or a diary) in junior high/high school and read back on it years later, you can appreciate just how silly you were as a teenager. And how everything was SUCH. A BIG. DEAL. Reading similar stories from adults relaying their teenage dramas from back in the late 80s and early 90s made me laugh out loud, as I could relate to: writing the awful romance scenes filled with "famous" musicians (Duran Duran for some of these girls, Color Me Badd [...don't judge me:] for me), passing notes back and forth to your best friend, being excited when you pick your crush playing MASH, agonizing about Why Won't He Like Meeeee?????? and determining which of the popular girls really IS misunderstood...and which one is a straight-up B trying to ruin your life. And all the while, why can't your parents understand you? And why won't they let you take the car out with your friends?
The awkwardness, the angst, the frustration, and yes, the joys, of teenage-hood are universal and hysterical. I often wonder if this generation (look how old I sound!) suffers from the same woes, but sometimes I think they might have it worse. No one can escape the hormonal teen angst!
The awkwardness, the angst, the frustration, and yes, the joys, of teenage-hood are universal and hysterical. I often wonder if this generation (look how old I sound!) suffers from the same woes, but sometimes I think they might have it worse. No one can escape the hormonal teen angst!
July 10, 2009
Amazon product description:
Mortified takes real childhood journals and documents and edits the entries into captivating, comedic, and cathartic stories, introduced by their now older (and allegedly wiser) authors. From letters begging rescue from a hellish summer camp to catty locker notes about stuck-up classmates to obsessive love that borders on stalking, Mortified gives voice to the real -- and really pathetic -- hopes, fears, desires, and creative urgings that have united adolescents for generations.
I actually enjoyed the book Cringe more than this one, even though reviews placed this one as better. Cringe had the actual diary entries in all their glorious handwriting, and this book had typed text. I was also disturbed by the disclaimer at the beginning that stated the writing was essentially the original, though some words and sentences were changed for continuity, blah blah blah. That made me wonder how much was actually original and how much was reworked to make thngs sound and look better.
Mortified takes real childhood journals and documents and edits the entries into captivating, comedic, and cathartic stories, introduced by their now older (and allegedly wiser) authors. From letters begging rescue from a hellish summer camp to catty locker notes about stuck-up classmates to obsessive love that borders on stalking, Mortified gives voice to the real -- and really pathetic -- hopes, fears, desires, and creative urgings that have united adolescents for generations.
I actually enjoyed the book Cringe more than this one, even though reviews placed this one as better. Cringe had the actual diary entries in all their glorious handwriting, and this book had typed text. I was also disturbed by the disclaimer at the beginning that stated the writing was essentially the original, though some words and sentences were changed for continuity, blah blah blah. That made me wonder how much was actually original and how much was reworked to make thngs sound and look better.
January 5, 2010
I received this book as a Christmas present and read it in less than a day. This collection of read teenage diary excerpts is impossible to put down. Admittedly, some of the entries are far more entertaining than others, but at only a few pages each, it's easy to easy to forgive the less interesting chapters.
I loved that the childhood pictures accompany the chapters. It's great to have faces to the stories. Months ago, I had received a copy of a "This American Life" CD that had a selection from Mortified. It was this girl,Sacha, talking about her transition to public school. The book had an extended version of this story and the picture was not the girl I was picturing at all!
Among the most memorable, was the girl who wrote about "Hooking" and the Duran Duran fan fiction. I wish I had the book in front of me to properly quote, but there was one girl who had great one liner...I think it was "I would relate better to a school of fish." I love it!
This book is highly entertaining and I often caught myself laughing out loud.
I loved that the childhood pictures accompany the chapters. It's great to have faces to the stories. Months ago, I had received a copy of a "This American Life" CD that had a selection from Mortified. It was this girl,Sacha, talking about her transition to public school. The book had an extended version of this story and the picture was not the girl I was picturing at all!
Among the most memorable, was the girl who wrote about "Hooking" and the Duran Duran fan fiction. I wish I had the book in front of me to properly quote, but there was one girl who had great one liner...I think it was "I would relate better to a school of fish." I love it!
This book is highly entertaining and I often caught myself laughing out loud.
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